"A few days back i caught myself complaining to myself how work was sucking the life out of me and gave me no time for much else. Its been about a month since i started and for the most part i've put in 10-12hr shifts. After what's happened the last few days im sitting on a sunday morning wishing i was at work instead. Dont get me wrong, im not a workaholic, i'm not one of those losers who claim to love their work, i'm just some one so fucked in head that even a few moments alone with my thoughts could be hazadous to my health."Lost my life, lost my dreams- Its a brave new world"... Ironic the way this is playing right about now. What got me writing this post was an earlier song that went "Your time will come". Yeah right!!
Cynisism was an art form i had mastered a few years ago and then i met a girl who was hell bent on showing me there's still good on the Earth. I'm now ashamed to say that she might have succeeded. All that ends now! Pray tell me where the good is now?? Where are YOU now??? I might have been in love with you then and bought what you said. Now i know better. If you do by some chance read this then i know just whats going through your head. At no cost do you pick up the phone and call me!! I seem to have become misery's child! Or i think i like being in misery and go looking for it. Either way i think a shrink is gonna make loads off me someday.To make matters worse i might have met some one really special but the state im in im sure i'l mess it up. Its time for another sabbatical. Shut out absolutely everyone. Work and home are the only two places i want to be. Its sad D that things turned out the way they did. I wish i could help you, i really want to, even after all thats happened the past months... You lied to me, you avoided me, hell, you did far worse. I want to look past all that because i know what it feels like to be as desperate as you are now. You say you dont need my help, you say you dont need me, its ok, il live. I only hope and pray that you dont do anything stupid. I've had a lot of good times with you and its sad its all over now. Please think about what you're doing."
This has been in my drafts for about 8 months now, Dint post it because i thought to myself that i might just a tad be getting carried away by emotion. 8 months on i feel the passion with which the above piece was written and i do not want to hide it anymore. Dint even want to edit it. I know how i felt then by just reading this.
And the wierd thing is if i was to be writing something new today it would still be along the same lines. Change the names a bit and you would have my present life. Huh!
P.S: "I only hope and pray that you dont do anything stupid." - Dint quite work out.
I hope and pray now that she's still alive.